UK schoolchildren spend on average 30% of their waking lives inside schools. While indoor environmental quality (IEQ) is critical for their health and attainment, school buildings are also a key part of the UK's carbon emissions reduction strategy. To address conflicts between energy efficiency and IEQ, predictive models of UK classroom stock should incorporate energy and IEQ performance criteria across dynamic scenarios comprising energy retrofit and IEQ improvement measures. On this basis, we have developed a novel approach for auto-generation, simulation, post-processing and analysis of EnergyPlus UK classroom archetype models. Such modelling facilitates the multi-parameter evaluation of school building performance, whilst incorporating stock-wide heterogeneity and longitudinal dynamic changes. As extent of retrofit increases, decreasing incremental energy demand reduction was quantified and increasing effectiveness of passive ventilation at mitigating overheating was identified. Negative impact of South facing orientation on overheating was reduced after applying a range of IEQ improvement methods. However, low ceiling heights in 1945–1967 era classrooms impact the efficacy of these IEQ mitigations on calculated attainment, requiring design rather than mitigation strategies as a remedial solution. Strategies preventing NO2 pollution ingress could be more-effective than PM2.5, with night-time ventilation avoiding ingress during daily peaks and greater sensitivity to location. Future work shall incorporate multiple criteria into a single tool based on stakeholder preferences to improve quality of retrofit decision making.